LGBT: What It's Like - part 1

Lately I have been meeting a lot of people in the LGBT community here in Albania and even some in Macedonia and Kosovo. It is interesting to hear their perspectives and what life is like for them in their respective communities. Things seems pretty dire in Macedonia, more so than I realized. I am not sure what the history of LGBT rights are out there, but I do hope to find out soon.  I heard stories about violence, harassment, verbal abuse, stalking, and even anonymous threats.

I am trying to understand the dynamics of what’s going on here. I grew up in San Francisco, one of the bastions of LGBT rights in the world. When I was a teenager, I would see drag queens sashay-ing up the street, naked people walking as if their skin were made by Karl Lagerfeld himself, and so-called 'daddies' all strutted up in black leather harnesses like extras in the latest Roman movie epic. It is where LGBT people fought for their rights for decades, and now where people with HIV can get adequate care. (One wonders whether those people can still afford to live there or not, but that is another discussion entirely.)

I am now in Albania. I am in a post-communist country. The population is mostly Muslim. The country itself has been isolated for decades (from Europe and from the rest of the world to a greater extent.) It is a place where LGBT pride parades and demonstrations are just beginning to exist. It is a place where activists are making a difference on all levels – from grassroots efforts to advocacy at the governmental level. Policy change is happening here, thanks in part to Albania’s desire to join the European Union. (More about LGBT rights in Albania)

Something wonderful is happening here. I can feel it. I also feel that discussions that need to happen are not yet happening. I feel that the sh*t has yet to hit the fan. I hate to write in such vulgar terms, but it is exactly how I feel. As me and my ‘pink posse’ venture off into cities across Albania, we shall see what lies beneath the jovial surface. That’s the thing about exploring places unknown… you never really know what you’ll find…

 

Further Reading

Article: Albania: The Gay Movement You Never Imagined

OMG... SUMMER HAPPENED! (PHOTOS)

It has been 18 months since I left California for Albania. A lot has happened, some things never happened, and there are a lot more things yet to happen in the months to come. So...

Summertime for this Peace Corps Volunteer means summer camps and secondary projects! Woop woop!

Here are some summer highlights:

For a short while, I was on an Albanian Fitness TV Show! lol

Me and Alba are all smiles helping the kids in our community brighten theirs!

OMG it's my parents! In Scotland!

At Kampi Pa Emer - Face-painting Day! So much fun...

Getting ready for Matura (Albanian Traditional Promenade)

Popped into the Senate on the last day of the Patriot Act, said 'hey' to Sen. Paul

Exploring the UK and Ireland with my boo

Showing our PRIDE in Albania!

ZUMBAAAAAAA!

Meet and greet with our new Ambassador Donald Lu

• Rode a gomar (that's a donkey)
• Tried on a traditional Albanian outfit
• Participated in the annual Matura prom ceremony in my town
• Taught Zumba with kids
• Taught Zumba with even littler kids!
• Was a Camp Counselor for the fabulous Kampi Pa Emer!
• Marched with my fellow Peace Corps Volunteers and welcomed the US Ambassador at  Tirana Pride.
• Worked with Peace Corps Washington on development of LGBTI Handbook.
• Took a vacation in the UK/Ireland with Sid, met up with parents in Scotland
• Visited family and had family reunion in DC/Maryland Area.
• Worked on a SPA Grant Application with fellow PCV's and two amazing NGO's in Albania on LGBT Awareness.
• Did a regular fitness spot for Albanian TV (A1Report) called Good Morning Fitness.
• Did a retreat with the amazing Gender And Diversity Committee to plan the upcoming year.
• Welcomed a new PCV to my site! :-D
• Marching with my fellow Peace Corps Volunteers and welcoming the US Ambassador at the Tirana Pride Parade
• Went fishing in the river with only a jar and some bread! (Yeah, it's a thing) 
• Personal training with folks at the local gym

What's on the horizon:

• Getting ready to start my grant project and visit remote, poor village areas of my home for Breast Cancer education.
• New grant pending for LGBT Awareness through SPA Grant funds (Peace Corps) - we will visit regions across Albania to raise awareness of LGBT issues. So excited!
• Working on various LGBT initiatives with Peace Corps Albania and various NGO's in Albania - there are exciting things in the works... more on this soon.
• Coordinating a second clothing drive for the LGBT youth shelter of Albania (Streha).
• More Zumbaaaaaa! Of course.
• Rolling out various projects with the Gender And Diversity team! (More on this soon..)

  

Being Everyone's Friend Can Be Hard Work!

Qofte, Buke, Raki, and Qep. It's the Albanian Family Dinner in action

Making friends while serving in The Peace Corps can be an interesting endeavor.

Sure we all want to be a great volunteer. We want to be friends with everyone. We want our name to be called as we walk down the streets of our home town/village/etc. We want that experience like in the TV show "Cheers" (where everybody knows our name). Anthropologically-speaking, we as humans have an innate social instinct. We try (even need) to fit into a social group in order to survive. Those who are not part of a social group are at risk for being picked-off and attacked, are less likely to find a suitable mate, and are relegated to the bottom of the social hierarchy.

Putting this into context for Peace Corps, there are several things going on here:
1. We try to fit in with our new social environment.
2. We try to fit in with our fellow Peace Corps Volunteers
3. We try to impress Peace Corps as an organization, and produce note-worthy work.
4. We try to find like-minded people these domains (cross-sectionally), building/expanding our own local social network.
5. We try to maintain social standing and presence with friends and family back home.

We are willingly uprooted from our home and place of comfort. We are transported to another  environment with a culture different from the one to which we are accustomed. We don't want to fall behind our Peace Corps peers. So what do we do?

Me and one of my buddies in Librazhd, Albania

We try. We try hard. We sacrifice. We sometimes worry. We sometimes worry a lot. We cry. We overeat. We undereat. We gossip. We burnout. We strive for greatness. We give ourselves to our communities. We dedicate our lives to strangers. We make friends. We open our hearts. We make meaningful connections. We have misunderstandings. We offend. We are offended. We have expectations that don't get met. We fail. We try again. We fail again. We gain resolve. We try yet again. We succeed and feel amazing. We are dynamic and unstoppable. We experience ups and downs. We find ourselves at a loss for words. We experience breathtaking beauty. We see some messed-up things. We shut the world out. We fear for our future. We open up the doors to life again. We find new passions. We discover things about ourselves. We try new things. We eat new things. We offer our culture willingly. We participate gratefully. We act silly. We help each other out. We admire each other. We get jealous of each other. We envy one another. We apologize for our mistakes. We move on. We forgive others. We forgive ourselves. We find that we love our new home. We grow close to our communities. We work together to accomplish great things. We surprise ourselves. We surprise others. We go for gold and end up going platinum. We wake up wanting to change the world and do amazing things!

Then again... some days we just want to watch Game of Thrones in our underwear and eat the peanut butter our parents sent us last week.

How Facebook Smeared the Face of Beauty - Step-By-Step

When I go about my day and notice something noteworthy, I think, "That's beautiful, I should post a photo of it on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/etc." Here's my thought process.

Yes. I should post a photo, so people will know that I saw something beautiful.

They will wonder where I am and be happy for me.

They will 'Like' my post to show me that they liked it.

I will see the 'Like' and know that what I saw was indeed worth liking.

I will wait a bit of time and check to see if others also agree that this something was in fact worthy of being called beautiful and brought to the attention of the social media world.

If there are not enough 'Likes' then I may feel that I have made an error and there are three possible explanations that run through my head:

1. What I saw was not actually that beautiful.
2. I failed to capture the beauty of what I saw.
3. My friends don't share my appreciation for the beauty in what I saw.

My response could be as such -

1. Why do my opinions differ so much from that of my friends?
2. Why do people like my photos less than others?
3. Do I really not take good photographs?
4. People suck. I hate everybody.
5. Whatever. La di f*cking da. I got better sh*t to do than hang out of Facebook/Twitter/Instagram all day. :-P

And then I blog about it.... sigh.

My concept of beauty hadn't changed, but had now been placed in a different context.

I am challenging my own conceptions daily, but sometimes I question them due to social pressures. Maybe this is entirely normal but... I for one would love to see the world as beautiful in as many ways as possible. Does this mean total disconnection from the social media world? Possibly. That would make it a bit easier, but it doesn't get rid of the problem. My conceptions are valid. Period. Beauty may be fickle but I'd like to think that I'm a bit less so. lol I shouldn't be looking to others for something that I should be telling myself.

A Gay Man, A Football, A Dream

Gerald "Jerry" Sanford Smith (July 19, 1943 – October 15, 1986) was a professional American football tight end for the National Football League's Washington Redskins from 1965–1977. Photo re-posted from: http://www.vixenvarsity.com/2014/01/24/why-no-gay-active-player-will-ever-come-out-in-the-nfl/#.VdRCyEnovIU

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to work with a professional athlete on an LGBT campaign. Of course it would be great if they were an Ally too. (Thank you Ben Cohen) It would be interesting to think about what impact that could have on youth across the globe, and even for parents of LGBT children. When I grew up I wasn't very confident when it came to sports. Not only was I inexperienced, I was also very shy. This got worse through middle school and into high-school. By the time I got the courage to pursue any sport (American Football), it was already too late to join any school-related group.

I wonder if being LGBT also held me back somehow. Did it give me one more reason to not participate? Yes. I can say that with certainty. Would I have been a lot better at sports if I wasn't LGBT - of course not! haha. But I might have practiced with friends if I felt comfortable with them. I just didn't know how to fit in as an athlete. To be in the 'jock' crowd can mean different things depending on where and when one goes to school. Even if it would have worked out fine, I didn't know it. No one at my school was there to guide me and show me how that would work. Then again, I never asked for help. I did occasionally chat with the football coaches but never acknowledging my orientation. That was a major piece missing. I was too intimidated.



"Michael Sam final Mizzou home game" by Marcus Qwertyus - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Commons - https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Michael_Sam_final_Mizzou_home_game.jpg#/media/File:Michael_Sam_final_Mizzou_home_game.jpg

Although there seems to be many LGBT athletes out there, I wish that I knew of any gay men as players in sports I was interested in, like: American Football (more recently: Michael Sam, Wade Davis, Alan Gendreau, Kwame Harris, Brian Sims, Esera Tuaolo), Boxing (Orlando Cruz), or Bodybuilding growing up. That might have given me the motivation I needed to start earlier. I must say it is so encouraging to see diversity coming through now from athletes like Caitlyn Jenner. The list of out athletes seems to grow every day. Certainly there are numerous athletes in other sports that have paved the way for more recent out athletes. Especially many props to the numerous Lesbian athletes who pushed through so many barriers to challenge stereotypes in sports and to put everything on the line to be themselves. I don't imagine it is easy for any professional athlete to come out as LGBT or even an Ally. When one's career is tied to sexual orientation (or can be influenced by), it makes it that much harder, and certainly more of a game-changer to come out (no pun intended). I would love to read more from these out athletes. If anyone has a suggestion, please comment below.
I'm thinking

After crossing the finish line! - 545 miles from San Francisco to Los Angeles, AIDS Lifecycle

Well, I'm a bit older now, and have played football with friends, taken boxing classes, and have been lifting weights at the gym for over 5 years now. It is interesting that this is still an interest of mine. It never went away. That is my happy place now.

Who knows if I will ever get a chance to even talk with an out athlete - To toss the pigskin around with Conner Mertens, learn to combo with Orlando Cruz, do a bench press with Bob Paris, or wrestle with Darren Young All I can say is that it would be an honor to do so. One can still hope, right?

Btw, check out this article regarding players coming out in sports. >>>> http://www.vixenvarsity.com/2014/01/24/why-no-gay-active-player-will-ever-come-out-in-the-nfl/#.VdRDWknovIV Do you Agree?



Running at the National Mall

My Must-Do Bucket List

I was tempted to add "Ride the Hogwarts Express" lol

Kicking the bucket, originally a term referring to act of using a beam used to slaughter a pig (which would often kick), now is used as a device to narrow down 'must-do' items. Obviously the goal is to do them before one dies... but how would one do them otherwise? ANYWAY...

As I get older I find that this list changes a little. I discover more things about the world and about myself that lead me to desire new things - things I never knew existed or that I wouldn't previously believe to be that enjoyable for me.

I'm 33 years old. It's August 19, 2015. Here are 20 items from my current list:

20. Work in Foreign Service as a Diplomat for +United Nations or +U.S. Department of State
19. Support new LGBT Pride Parades across the globe
18. Create a nest-egg
17. Skydiving, bungee-jumping, hang-gliding, etc.
16. Open my own gym/get Personal Training certified
15. Find my true calling
14. Gain a deeper understanding of my family history
13. Work in the medical field as a nurse
12. Get my pilot's license
11. Climb extreme heights
10. Create a music video
9. Be a part of an acting or artist collaborative group/troupe
8. Read the 1000 best books of all-time.
7. Have kids, raise these kids, and be on good terms with said kids into adulthood.
6. Write an allegorical novel
5. Be able to understand on a basic level (at least): Arabic, Russian, Serbo-Croatian, Swahili, Japanese, Punjabi, Tagalog,  Javanese, Vietnamese, Portuguese, Korean, Bengali, German, Persian, Cantonese, and Thai.
4. Learn to love a sport
3. Be able to speak fluently - Spanish, Albanian, Mandarin, French, and Hindi
2. Meet and work on an LGBT campaign with one of the following: +Macklemore & Ryan Lewis +conoroberst +JennyLewis +benkweller +Madonna +Lady Gaga +Sir Ian McKellen +Angelina Jolie as Goodwill Ambassador

Some previous bucket list items accomplished:
1. Meet the president
2. Volunteer for my country through service (Peace Corps)
3. Fly a plane
4. Save a life
5. Volunteer at a local health clinic
6. Learn another language - Spanish, Albanian, Latin

Thank you readers - We reached 4,000+ views!

Gaining perspective every day, every post

 

 

50 posts later and I am starting to find my voice. I never really lost it. In fact, I am still trying to find it. I have lived so very long in a shell of my own making. It used to be a comfortable shell, one that protects me from conflict, and gives me the illusion of control. Now it suffocates me, traps me in, and makes me feel weak and uncertain. I have found that writing allows me to express myself and break out of the shell. For this to happen, I must write from the heart. I must not write what others want to hear. I get nothing from that. In fact, that kind of writing makes me not want to write anymore. It is simply writing for mass-consumption and that just doesn't come from the same place. When I speak my truth, it may not always be coherent, important or even interesting. While what I write may not resonate with a lot of people, I certainly get a lot out of it. I enjoy the process of creation, the inspection of the uncomfortable, and the thrill of diving into controversy. Maybe there are people out there that can relate.  

 

That being said, someone must be reading this. Well. You are. lol

 

Thanks!

Oh God, Grant Me The Serenity...

I find that my more interesting days happen when I pray in the morning. One of my usual prayers is that I ask God/Higher Power/etc. for the power to let go.

It is not that I don't care. Completely the opposite. I care too much. So much so that I worry excessively at times and that can prevent me from being of service to others. I pray not for the willingness to ignore my responsibilities but rather the strength to be present and to release my fears so that I can enjoy this amazing experience.

Living alone can be a challenge at times. I really have to be on guard and watch out for my character defects - particularly re: fear, jealousy, self-pity, and ego/self-importance. When I don't have someone evaluating me constantly, I must do so on my own. As with any job, I want to do my best and to make sure not to fall behind. Sometimes I think that my mind tends to expect more of myself in times like this. It also tends to project the accomplishments and accolades of other people onto me. This is quite easy given a flexible schedule and regular access to social media/facebook. The truth is, the work of other volunteers has no bearing on my experience. It is up to me to face what challenges may come, and to acknowledge personal victories. I can't compare myself to others, because we all have such different experiences. We come from different backgrounds, different places, and have different experiences, challenges, and comfort zones. As they often say in Peace Corps ad nauseum "Every volunteer's experience is different." Well.... yeah, it kind of is. ;-)

A Question of Safety

On the question of whether LGBT work in Albania is safe for a Peace Corps Volunteer...

I dare say that no one quite knows... and that's what makes people worry. It makes Peace Corps staff and volunteers worry, it makes my friends and family worry, and yes, it even makes me worry (at times). Sure there are plenty of examples of activism meeting hostility - outside and inside Albanian borders. What does that mean? Does it mean that this type of work should stop? Does it meant that the Albanian people no longer need support from outside NGO's and governmental organizations alike? Does it meant that we should all assume the absolute worst and plan as if that is truth? Well, no... It certainly doesn't mean any of that.

It should mean that we tread lightly at times, and with more confidence at others. We should always tread. Goal#1 of Peace Corps - Provide technical assistance where needed. We as volunteers have an invisible pull string that can used to evacuate us anytime from anywhere when we are in trouble. Not so for the host country nationals we work with. I feel that the onus is on us to provide the crucial assistance needed to keep things moving along. As I keep reiterating, there is so much going on with LGBT rights in Albania already, we simply must support these efforts when we can.

I admit that it can be an arduous task for any supervisor to sign off on things that could be stigmatized. For those of you who know me, and my line of work - a lot of what I do can be seen as controversial in conservative circles - LGBT Work, MSM outreach, and HIV. Yet is it? I don't think anyone really knows what the reaction is going to be in this time, place and circumstance. It is going to be met with hostility? Or it is already yesterday's news?

Oh btw, to get the inside scoop, be sure to check out this amazing website of my friend (a journalist/activist here in Albania) - http://historia-ime.com/

New Frontiers

How does one do LGBT outreach out here?

As a sort of update on the 'LGBT thing,' I have resolved to become more open in my community here in Albania. I'm in a relatively-small town with a large number of families. It may not be a particularly easy place to build awareness of LGBT issues, but after a lot of soul-searching, I have decided that doing outreach in this particular environment might actually be more beneficial than in more-developed urban areas of the country.

I have been more open with my facebook posts lately and have 'liked' and shared posts relating to LGBT rights. So far, no negative reactions. Let's hope things stay that way!

LGBT Life in Albania

Letting the PRIDE flag fly at Tirana Pride 2015

When I tell people that I am working on LGBT issues while serving in Peace Corps in Albania, they often react with shock. Here are the most common questions I get:

"Is that possible?"
"Is that safe?"
"Aren't you afraid?"
"I heard that Albania is an Islamic country. Doesn't that make it dangerous?"

Well, to answer each question, here goes:

Is that possible?

A fellow PCV helps me show off my PRIDE at the 2015 march

It's entirely possible. From what I have seen here, the beginnings of a civil rights movement are well underway, and progress is moving towards making Albania a safer place for LGBT people to live. (Insert caveats galore) Many other Peace Corps volunteers are LGBT allies and have really shown a lot of support for LGBT efforts here.

Is that safe?

Xheni & Kristi, two amazing civil rights leaders in Albania (at 2014 Gay Ride)

Well, as safe as this kind of work can be! Many Albanians who work in the field in Albania are not necessarily 'out' in their home communities. Although they may be associated with certain well-known LGBT people, there doesn't appear to be a lot of outright hostility towards them from the general community. I can only speak to what I've heard, seen, and perceived while serving out here for the last 17 months. The first gay bicycle ride in the capital city of Tirana was seen with explosives. This did not deter the brave men and women who continued to ride in the face of hatred and injustice several years ago. Since then it seems that the violence lessens with each coming year. This year the so-called 'gay ride' and pride march saw minimal hostility (except for a rogue egg thrown). So is it safe? Seemingly more so than may be expected...


Aren't you afraid?

Holding the PRIDE Flag in the pouring rain (Tirana Pride 2014)

No. I live for this kind of work. I have so many privileges as an American citizen. I feel it my duty to help where it is needed. Having grown up in San Francisco, I have heard about the devastation of the AIDS crisis and have seen the giant PRIDE parades each year celebrating the LGBT pride. It was always very encouraging and inspiring to think that only 40 years earlier, these sorts of parades would be illegal and participants would be subjected to violence. I always think back to those people who marched when the parades did not feature scantily-clad boys dancing on a float with techno music blaring in the background. In those days it didn't mean hundreds of thousands of folks drinking over-priced beer, getting various degrees of sunburn, and purchasing rainbow chotchkies galore. Yeah it's fun. It's really fun. But where would be were those brave activists, together with their families, friends and allies marching together in the early days? LGBT people would still be hiding in bars, trying to avoid persecution from society and even the police. So when I see amazing women and men out here in Albania putting themselves out there and speaking up for the LGBT community, I feel an incredible sense of pride to march with them. If someone throws something at me, I will march that much prouder. Because progress is happening here and no one can stop it. If I fall, 10 people will take my place.


"I heard that Albania is an Islamic country. Doesn't that make it dangerous?"

Marching down the streets of Tirana at Pride 2014

Religious practices were outlawed in Albania in 1967, and later allowed again. It seems that the tension and conflict often associated with religion has somewhat dissolved. Many Albanians in fact pride themselves on their religious tolerance. Albania was even once called the 'first Atheist nation'. Politicians don't hold religious platforms like they do in the US. (Read: Hardliners Nightmare - Newsweek) As Albania is now an European Union applicant, they must ensure that certain human rights reforms and protections are in place (and enforced). This has encouraged the Albanian government to push for LGBT reforms faster than otherwise would be the case. Although laws have been written to protect LGBT people from discrimination, there is a lot to be done to ensure that this is actually the case, and that LGBT citizens gain the protections promised to them from their government. Luckily, there are community activists at a few passionate NGOs in Albania who are holding the policy-makers accountable, and advocate on behalf of LGBT citizens. I am so damn proud to call these folks my coworkers (and my friends). :-)

Note: There is a lot more information to share about LGBT efforts in Albania. This includes the work of numerous NGOs, individuals, groups and community leaders. They have done so much, that it is quite hard to summarize in such a short post. This is meant to be a first post on the topic - a quick peek into my work with LGBT issues in Peace Corps. I look forward to highlighting their work in subsequent posts. Please let me know if you have any specific questions - comment below!