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Don't Put Jack In The Box (He Won't Stay!)

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The sign is in Serbian means 'My rights, my demands' (rough translation)

What an amazing last several days this has been! I have been back in Librazhd for a day now, and so far nobody in my community has mentioned anything about my participation in the pride event. The pitchforks never made an appearance thankfully! It is a bit strange really, after an experience like this. I come back to Librazhd with nothing but a group of young guys (cunes) hollering at me in the street, and making meaningless conversation. They were most likely drunk and just being silly, but I just thought it so weird. They asked what I was up to. I said I just came back from Serbia. They were shocked, and a few seconds later, asked if I met a nice Serbian girl. Sigh.........  And these are people who can see all my Facebook posts! I'm laughing and crying at the same time. Mostly, I'm just glad to be back. The truth is I missed Librazhd. I really did.

A proud moment holding the Pride flag down the streets of Belgrade. That's me in the blue shirt (in case you didn't know)

Well-protected, at any cost.

I think sometimes that I should be less ostentatious about my gay-ness - that I should tone it down a bit. To go from diva to queen, or queen to fairy, or something like that. I don't know the order. Anyway. When I was walking up to the parade, I just felt a sudden rush of adrenaline that really made me want to be... well... me! I wanted to be me for a long time now. Being in Peace Corps kinda puts one in an awkward situation of potentially going back in the closet. That's what happened to me. Well, I decided to go in the closet because it was suggested and took that suggestion. But now? Well, now I'm a big 'ol gay jack-in-the-box., and I can't seem to but the lid back on... Pop! There I go again, bustin' out the door! No closet for me. No sir-ee.

Me and my friend Bunny

Many of you reading might be thinking "oh hell, here we go... I hope he knows what he's doing." Actually, that's what I think to myself too! The truth is, no one has ever been in this particular situation before. Not now. Not in Albania. Not in my community. Not me. So....

Is it a wise decision to continue down this path? I believe so.
Do I know it will be completely safe? Absolutely not.
How do I feel about it? Scared, but certain. This is the right thing to do.

I'd always prefer to be me, even if it means walking blindly into the night. This past week has strengthened my resolve, and further solidified my conviction.

From left to right - Peter Tatchell (Peter Tatchell Foundation), Tanya Domi (Columbia University), Brian Silva (Marriage Equality USA), Irene Hemelaar (LGBTI Emancipation),  and Frank Van Dalen (Politieke Academie, Amsterdam)

During the week leading up to the Pride Parade, they held the Belgrade Pride Conference presented by Civil Rights Defenders. I found the lectures and panels quite interesting. Discussions included LGBT activists speaking on the realities of their respective communities, local journalists articulating the struggles of the media in Serbia, NGOs speaking about grassroots efforts, and elected officials and representatives putting the LGBT discussion in terms of European Integration and refugees. The buzzword of the week was "Cross-sectionality" seeing our struggles not as one singular effort, but as an interaction of many intersecting populations and needs, taking every perspective into account. The panels gave everyone in the room a chance to hear many different perspectives and to learn about the unique situation of each LGBT person in that room. Hopefully we all came out of that room appreciating just how unique we all are.

A panel of LGBT Activists (from left to right) - Mona (Kosovo), Lejla (Bosnia), Xheni (Albania) and Danijel (Montenegro);
Moderator Vasilika (Albania)

During the course of the week, I got the chance to meet queer activists from all over the Balkans - Macedonia, Kosovo, Montenegro, Serbia, Greece, Albania, and Bosnia/Herzegovina. Although I don't know any Greek, and only a few phrases in Serbian, most people spoke enough English to converse. I could speak with the Albanians and Kosovars as they both speak Albanian. Lucky for me, at a conference like this, pretty much all the debates, lectures and panels are held in English. We did have headsets for the sessions where multiple languages were spoken. At times I found it hard to really understand the translations coming through the headsets, but it was certainly better than nothing. I feel so grateful to hear their opinions and viewpoints. Having a voice is what this is all about. The freedom to express ourselves. The freedom to get together, assemble, and make ourselves known to the world. :-)

We may live in different countries, but we are activists. We are family. 

Belgrade Pride: On My Way Home...

Belgrade Pride 2015

Belgrade Pride is over and I am on my way back to my site in Albania with a short stop in the capital. I can't help but wonder how my local community will react to my participation in this event. I have been posting a lot of photos, videos and news articles on Facebook lately about Belgrade Pride. I have also been quoted by the AP and AFP, so my name is starting to float all around the web for this event. There are also countless photos and videos of pretty much everyone there captured by hundreds of journalists in attendance. This was indeed a mass media event! I am hoping that I don't come home to villagers with pitchforks ready to drive the gay American out. It may be laughable, but it is a concern. The danger may not always be around, but it is REAL. Gossip spreads really fast here, and one step over the line can cost a volunteer his site.

I'm hoping all this coverage will reach the Serbian general population (in an appropriate way.) One never knows the angle a reporter will take. Depending on the hot topic du jour, one could place this event in a positive way or in a potentially harmful way. That is the power of the media - the former angle fostering harmony, the latter creating division.

Hot Topic - Gearin' up for Belgrade Pride!

Belgrade Pride 2010 - Photo credit: http://kaosgl.org/page.php?id=9540

I will attending a conference in Belgrade, Serbia this week at the invitation of an organization in Albania called Civil Rights Defenders. The focus will be Belgrade LGBT Pride. Wow. Let that sink in for a moment.

If Serbia is not the first place you associate with LGBT Pride, you are not alone. Many Americans only recall Serbia from its role in bloody rivalries and wars for independence during post-Yugoslavia days of the early 1990's. Words like Croats, Serbs, and Bosnians were thrown around like hot coals from journos setting the fears of many an American ablaze. This is not the place where one throws a Pride. Or is it?

The struggle for LGBT rights in this land-locked Eastern European country has not been easy. Back in 2010, the parade was seen with an anti-gay riot . Some 5,000 police held back the anti-gay rioters from event participants.

Belgrade Pride 2010: Photo from: http://kaosgl.org/

Truth be told, after I read this, I was initially somewhat nervous about going. But never once did I think twice about wanting to go. This is what I need to do. I need to help people here. I need to be there because other people can't. I need to show up and do my part because other LGBT individuals will die if I don't. I need to march, because somebody marched for me in 1970 in San Francisco. I wouldn't have the life I have today if they didn't. We'd still be living the Anita Bryant era of horror and BS.

I was able to attend the first LGBT March in Albanian history last year (although there has been an annual LGBT bike ride each year that started around 5 years ago). This year I will be able to attend another groundbreaking march. Although it may not be the first pride parade there, it is so very important. I thought of Albania's bloody feuds with the so-called neighbors to the north. After the conflict between Albania and Serbia over Kosovo's independence from Serbia, the two countries still seem to keep their distance. (Including the infamous Albania-Serbia futbol match). Political relations between the two seem amicable, yet with a seeming undercurrent of resentment over Kosovo.

Tirana Gay Ride 2014!

All politics aside, I will be there on a completely different capacity. I will be there to support Belgrade Pride and the Balkan LGBT Community. Previous years saw conflict, violence and civil unrest. As with any civil rights movement, things are getting better. Just how much better it is now? Well, I suppose we will find out. With many of the Balkan's best LGBT activists gathered together, the stage is set for quite a spectacle. And what a spectacle it will be.

'Operation Closet Door' (Here's where the fun begins!)

So I decided to come out to my best friend in my site. I had been wanting to do so for a long time now. I felt it necessary to be more open and honest with close friends. I would, of course, love to be more open and honest with my entire community, but I am not sure how that would roll out. For now, I am starting with my friends.

I was happy to find that it was not an issue for him. In fact, he half-suspected already and was very supportive. I hadn't stated it specifically, but I'm sure he could tell for various reasons. I was so relieved! I really can't articulate the feeling of having that conversation go well. It feels amazing.

At a certain point in my service, I was becoming frustrated at the lack of close friends I had at site. By close friends, I mean those who would not treat me poorly once they found out about my orientation. It is hard for me to invest time in a relationship knowing that there is a possibility that the other person would end up hating me. Would you? I have to make friends to integrate, and so I did. But, there was always that secret. I didn't feel like they would be anything more than acquaintances. It is nice to have those folks who I can say 'hi' to everyday on my way down the main street in town. Some of these acquaintances can turn into interesting friendships (gym buddies, people to chat and have coffee with, colleagues, etc). Others don't go much further than the following conversation. Note: The word 'Cune' (pronounced "Ch-oon") is a young male:

Me: 'C'kemi?'(what's up?)
Cune: 'Xhoni! O daku! C'kemi?' (Jon! Oh, dude! What's up?)
Me: Hiq ('nothing')
Cune: Hey, you like Albanian girls? (in English)
Me: Ummm... Sure. I guess.
Cune: They are hotter than American girls? (in English)
Me: They do have very nice hair...
Cune: Maybe you will get married to an Albanian girl one day!
Me: Po.... hahahahaha.... Ah k'shu (Yes, haha, well then...)
*Cough*
(Awkward pause)
Cune: Mire, shihemi me vone! (Good, see you later!)
Me: Shihemi. Pacim! (See you! Bye!)

End scene

I feel like interactions like this make it harder to connect. Talking about women, sex, and drugs is often seen as a way the Albanian guys try to connect with us male American volunteers. I seems like they think we love to talk about girls and drugs all the time, and so they start off like that. I do see potential here for deeper understanding, but honestly I'm not sure how much time that would take. It can be challenging to strike up a meaningful conversation in passing (for both sides). Of course, not all guys are like this. The above conversation merely represents a group of conversations and interactions I've had since coming to Albania. There are countless amazing young men in Albania. One must always acknowledge that, while discussing such things.

That being said, I have seen that when guys are in a group, they tend to speak in this way. They tend to joke a lot more, speak more bluntly, and talk about this kind of subject matter. When alone, it seems that they open up more about themselves and are a bit easier to engage with. Maybe that's a global phenomenon!

Peace Corps was initially a bit scared when I spoke about 'coming out' in my community. They reminded me of the option to evacuate should I require assistance. haha... Although it scared me a bit at first, later I felt comforted by such words. After all, nobody really knows what the reactions might be. This is a post-communist, highly traditional, primarily Islamic country. But once I get past all that, I see hope. I see possibility. I see the vision of Albanian LGBT society living openly and in the light of their communities. I see that future for them, and for me.

I decided that I need to try to come out to my community. I have named this self-imposed assignment  "Operation Closet Door." :-) So far, so good. I haven't encountered any drama, violence, threats, or harassment... yet. It is not easy opening up this topic in a place where such things are never discussed. I feel it my duty as an LGBT activist to have those awkward conversations, and open the door to Albanians who live here. They might not feel comfortable being the first to talk about such things. I also feel it my duty as an American to help. Somebody has to! As Peace Corps has so kindly reminded me - I have the protection of the American Government on my side. If I can use that privilege to help closeted LGBT men and women living here, then that's precisely what I plan to do.

When Am I Coming Home?

For the last 18 months, Albania has been my home. Peaceful hills, my backyard. Rural villages, my neighbors.

Peace Corps service is a 27 month total commitment. 3 months of service training and 2 years of service as a volunteer. I began my service in March 2014 (approx. 18 months ago), thus I have roughly 9 months left here in Albania. At the completion of service (COS) you go back to your home of record and officially become an RPCV (Returned Peace Corps Volunteer). Volunteers leave on different dates to return back to their homes of record (based on Volunteer preference, current projects, and PC staff recommendations). RPCVs receive a modest stipend to help readjust back to life in the US.

Late COS/Extension
If I have pending projects and really want to stay and continue, I can extend my COS (Close of Service) date up to 12 additional months with approval. I can also extend even longer with a formal request for service extension for 25 months or more past original COS date! Typically this is for volunteers who have large-scale projects that require them to stay.

Early COS
Alternatively, Volunteers can end their service early at least 21 months after they take the Oath. (see US PC Service Manual Section 2.0) For example, I took my oath on May 13, 2014, thus my earliest COS date would be February 13, 2016. This is usually contingent upon completion of all projects and approval of host agency and PC staff.

As it stands, I have yet to decide exactly what to do after my service. I have plans A, B, C, D & E. It is tempting, yet seems a bit silly to plan something 9-ish months away. I do know this much: One of my younger brothers is getting married around June, 2016, so I am definitely planning to be back for that! I also hope to be here for the next fabulous Kampi Pa Emer which will be mid-June. That means an estimated date in mid/late June for COS. I would like to travel a bit in the area before I head back to the US (it is Europe after all), not sure how that would work but there's plenty of time to plan. Speaking of planning... Here are my plans (plural)

Plan A - Return to the US and go to Nursing School for my NP license.
Plan B - Extend service in Albania to work on a specific initiative with a local NGO
Plan C - Find a job with Peace Corps (possibly in Washington, DC)
Plan D - Find a job with a foreign service agency - USAID, United Nations, etc.
Plan E - Re-up for Peace Corps service in another country - Kosovo? (One of the few places where I might be able to use my Shqip (Albanian Language) skills.

Plan F - Who knows??? Any suggestions please them write below! :-P