'Operation Closet Door' (Here's where the fun begins!)

So I decided to come out to my best friend in my site. I had been wanting to do so for a long time now. I felt it necessary to be more open and honest with close friends. I would, of course, love to be more open and honest with my entire community, but I am not sure how that would roll out. For now, I am starting with my friends.

I was happy to find that it was not an issue for him. In fact, he half-suspected already and was very supportive. I hadn't stated it specifically, but I'm sure he could tell for various reasons. I was so relieved! I really can't articulate the feeling of having that conversation go well. It feels amazing.

At a certain point in my service, I was becoming frustrated at the lack of close friends I had at site. By close friends, I mean those who would not treat me poorly once they found out about my orientation. It is hard for me to invest time in a relationship knowing that there is a possibility that the other person would end up hating me. Would you? I have to make friends to integrate, and so I did. But, there was always that secret. I didn't feel like they would be anything more than acquaintances. It is nice to have those folks who I can say 'hi' to everyday on my way down the main street in town. Some of these acquaintances can turn into interesting friendships (gym buddies, people to chat and have coffee with, colleagues, etc). Others don't go much further than the following conversation. Note: The word 'Cune' (pronounced "Ch-oon") is a young male:

Me: 'C'kemi?'(what's up?)
Cune: 'Xhoni! O daku! C'kemi?' (Jon! Oh, dude! What's up?)
Me: Hiq ('nothing')
Cune: Hey, you like Albanian girls? (in English)
Me: Ummm... Sure. I guess.
Cune: They are hotter than American girls? (in English)
Me: They do have very nice hair...
Cune: Maybe you will get married to an Albanian girl one day!
Me: Po.... hahahahaha.... Ah k'shu (Yes, haha, well then...)
*Cough*
(Awkward pause)
Cune: Mire, shihemi me vone! (Good, see you later!)
Me: Shihemi. Pacim! (See you! Bye!)

End scene

I feel like interactions like this make it harder to connect. Talking about women, sex, and drugs is often seen as a way the Albanian guys try to connect with us male American volunteers. I seems like they think we love to talk about girls and drugs all the time, and so they start off like that. I do see potential here for deeper understanding, but honestly I'm not sure how much time that would take. It can be challenging to strike up a meaningful conversation in passing (for both sides). Of course, not all guys are like this. The above conversation merely represents a group of conversations and interactions I've had since coming to Albania. There are countless amazing young men in Albania. One must always acknowledge that, while discussing such things.

That being said, I have seen that when guys are in a group, they tend to speak in this way. They tend to joke a lot more, speak more bluntly, and talk about this kind of subject matter. When alone, it seems that they open up more about themselves and are a bit easier to engage with. Maybe that's a global phenomenon!

Peace Corps was initially a bit scared when I spoke about 'coming out' in my community. They reminded me of the option to evacuate should I require assistance. haha... Although it scared me a bit at first, later I felt comforted by such words. After all, nobody really knows what the reactions might be. This is a post-communist, highly traditional, primarily Islamic country. But once I get past all that, I see hope. I see possibility. I see the vision of Albanian LGBT society living openly and in the light of their communities. I see that future for them, and for me.

I decided that I need to try to come out to my community. I have named this self-imposed assignment  "Operation Closet Door." :-) So far, so good. I haven't encountered any drama, violence, threats, or harassment... yet. It is not easy opening up this topic in a place where such things are never discussed. I feel it my duty as an LGBT activist to have those awkward conversations, and open the door to Albanians who live here. They might not feel comfortable being the first to talk about such things. I also feel it my duty as an American to help. Somebody has to! As Peace Corps has so kindly reminded me - I have the protection of the American Government on my side. If I can use that privilege to help closeted LGBT men and women living here, then that's precisely what I plan to do.

Let The Outreach Begin!

Earlier this Summer, my fellow Peace Corps Volunteers and I (in partnership with two NGOs) applied for a Peace Corps SPA Grant for LGBT Community Outreach throughout Albania. The idea started from a former volunteer (more formally called "Returned Peace Corps Volunteer" or RPCV) who served in Albania from 2012-2014. He had completed his project right before I arrived. It just so happened that our service years overlapped a bit, and I was able to learn about his project early on in my service. I liked the project design and thought it would be great to replicate and even expand if possible during my service (2014-2016). I am happy to say that we were awarded the grant funds last week!

Overview

The idea is to educate Albanians about LGBT issues and build awareness of the LGBT Community. Our work is primarily outside of the capital city of Tirana, as these areas are less exposed to such subject matter. Our target audience is younger individuals, as this population tends to be more receptive, and can be more easily engaged in a classroom or group setting. Me and my fellow group mates will work with a group of amazing activists from two NGOs (Non-Governmental Organizations) to facilitate each engagement - Aleanca Kunder Diskriminimit LGBT (Alliance Against LGBT Discrimination) and ProLGBT. 

What's New?

This year we are looking to expand the network of the NGOs by engaging members of the community and working with them as a local contact point. It is our hope to create a network that will serve to provide more safety and support for the LGBT people across the country (more about this concern below). We also hope that this will allow for sustainability after Peace Corps has finished its mission here in Albania. 

Timeline

We already started! We are looking to do outreach until all 13 sites are visited. This will happen between now and April 2016. Check out the next post for info on our first outreach engagement!

A Growing Concern

As it stands, many LGBT people seek community in Tirana. For some, the situation in their home town is so hostile that they move away. Of course, without local support from family or friends, the only place one has to go is Tirana. This is a country where family means a house, food, and community. When a family rejects a son or daughter for their sexual orientation, the child loses their ability to care for themselves. Once the community finds out that one of their own is a 'deviant,' it is no longer possible to remain in the closet. Word travels fast, especially in small towns. Thus Tirana becomes a sort-of mecca for LGBT in Albania. Hardly the bastion of gay life as in San Francisco, New York, Berlin or even Tel Aviv, it is better than facing derision from their family and community day after day. So they go. They seek a better life - yet possibly with no job prospects, no job training, limited English skills, little/no money, and nothing in their possession but the clothes on their backs. Luckily there is a shelter that caters to LGBT youth that will house them, cloth them, and give them food, psycho-social support, and even vocational training. When did this start, you may ask? Just last year, around December 2014. :-) If you would like more information about the shelter visit STREHA SHELTER (And yes, of course they always need support and donations!)

LGBT: What It's Like - part 1

Lately I have been meeting a lot of people in the LGBT community here in Albania and even some in Macedonia and Kosovo. It is interesting to hear their perspectives and what life is like for them in their respective communities. Things seems pretty dire in Macedonia, more so than I realized. I am not sure what the history of LGBT rights are out there, but I do hope to find out soon.  I heard stories about violence, harassment, verbal abuse, stalking, and even anonymous threats.

I am trying to understand the dynamics of what’s going on here. I grew up in San Francisco, one of the bastions of LGBT rights in the world. When I was a teenager, I would see drag queens sashay-ing up the street, naked people walking as if their skin were made by Karl Lagerfeld himself, and so-called 'daddies' all strutted up in black leather harnesses like extras in the latest Roman movie epic. It is where LGBT people fought for their rights for decades, and now where people with HIV can get adequate care. (One wonders whether those people can still afford to live there or not, but that is another discussion entirely.)

I am now in Albania. I am in a post-communist country. The population is mostly Muslim. The country itself has been isolated for decades (from Europe and from the rest of the world to a greater extent.) It is a place where LGBT pride parades and demonstrations are just beginning to exist. It is a place where activists are making a difference on all levels – from grassroots efforts to advocacy at the governmental level. Policy change is happening here, thanks in part to Albania’s desire to join the European Union. (More about LGBT rights in Albania)

Something wonderful is happening here. I can feel it. I also feel that discussions that need to happen are not yet happening. I feel that the sh*t has yet to hit the fan. I hate to write in such vulgar terms, but it is exactly how I feel. As me and my ‘pink posse’ venture off into cities across Albania, we shall see what lies beneath the jovial surface. That’s the thing about exploring places unknown… you never really know what you’ll find…

 

Further Reading

Article: Albania: The Gay Movement You Never Imagined

Thank you readers - We reached 4,000+ views!

Gaining perspective every day, every post

 

 

50 posts later and I am starting to find my voice. I never really lost it. In fact, I am still trying to find it. I have lived so very long in a shell of my own making. It used to be a comfortable shell, one that protects me from conflict, and gives me the illusion of control. Now it suffocates me, traps me in, and makes me feel weak and uncertain. I have found that writing allows me to express myself and break out of the shell. For this to happen, I must write from the heart. I must not write what others want to hear. I get nothing from that. In fact, that kind of writing makes me not want to write anymore. It is simply writing for mass-consumption and that just doesn't come from the same place. When I speak my truth, it may not always be coherent, important or even interesting. While what I write may not resonate with a lot of people, I certainly get a lot out of it. I enjoy the process of creation, the inspection of the uncomfortable, and the thrill of diving into controversy. Maybe there are people out there that can relate.  

 

That being said, someone must be reading this. Well. You are. lol

 

Thanks!

Oh God, Grant Me The Serenity...

I find that my more interesting days happen when I pray in the morning. One of my usual prayers is that I ask God/Higher Power/etc. for the power to let go.

It is not that I don't care. Completely the opposite. I care too much. So much so that I worry excessively at times and that can prevent me from being of service to others. I pray not for the willingness to ignore my responsibilities but rather the strength to be present and to release my fears so that I can enjoy this amazing experience.

Living alone can be a challenge at times. I really have to be on guard and watch out for my character defects - particularly re: fear, jealousy, self-pity, and ego/self-importance. When I don't have someone evaluating me constantly, I must do so on my own. As with any job, I want to do my best and to make sure not to fall behind. Sometimes I think that my mind tends to expect more of myself in times like this. It also tends to project the accomplishments and accolades of other people onto me. This is quite easy given a flexible schedule and regular access to social media/facebook. The truth is, the work of other volunteers has no bearing on my experience. It is up to me to face what challenges may come, and to acknowledge personal victories. I can't compare myself to others, because we all have such different experiences. We come from different backgrounds, different places, and have different experiences, challenges, and comfort zones. As they often say in Peace Corps ad nauseum "Every volunteer's experience is different." Well.... yeah, it kind of is. ;-)

New Frontiers

How does one do LGBT outreach out here?

As a sort of update on the 'LGBT thing,' I have resolved to become more open in my community here in Albania. I'm in a relatively-small town with a large number of families. It may not be a particularly easy place to build awareness of LGBT issues, but after a lot of soul-searching, I have decided that doing outreach in this particular environment might actually be more beneficial than in more-developed urban areas of the country.

I have been more open with my facebook posts lately and have 'liked' and shared posts relating to LGBT rights. So far, no negative reactions. Let's hope things stay that way!

LGBT Life in Albania

Letting the PRIDE flag fly at Tirana Pride 2015

When I tell people that I am working on LGBT issues while serving in Peace Corps in Albania, they often react with shock. Here are the most common questions I get:

"Is that possible?"
"Is that safe?"
"Aren't you afraid?"
"I heard that Albania is an Islamic country. Doesn't that make it dangerous?"

Well, to answer each question, here goes:

Is that possible?

A fellow PCV helps me show off my PRIDE at the 2015 march

It's entirely possible. From what I have seen here, the beginnings of a civil rights movement are well underway, and progress is moving towards making Albania a safer place for LGBT people to live. (Insert caveats galore) Many other Peace Corps volunteers are LGBT allies and have really shown a lot of support for LGBT efforts here.

Is that safe?

Xheni & Kristi, two amazing civil rights leaders in Albania (at 2014 Gay Ride)

Well, as safe as this kind of work can be! Many Albanians who work in the field in Albania are not necessarily 'out' in their home communities. Although they may be associated with certain well-known LGBT people, there doesn't appear to be a lot of outright hostility towards them from the general community. I can only speak to what I've heard, seen, and perceived while serving out here for the last 17 months. The first gay bicycle ride in the capital city of Tirana was seen with explosives. This did not deter the brave men and women who continued to ride in the face of hatred and injustice several years ago. Since then it seems that the violence lessens with each coming year. This year the so-called 'gay ride' and pride march saw minimal hostility (except for a rogue egg thrown). So is it safe? Seemingly more so than may be expected...


Aren't you afraid?

Holding the PRIDE Flag in the pouring rain (Tirana Pride 2014)

No. I live for this kind of work. I have so many privileges as an American citizen. I feel it my duty to help where it is needed. Having grown up in San Francisco, I have heard about the devastation of the AIDS crisis and have seen the giant PRIDE parades each year celebrating the LGBT pride. It was always very encouraging and inspiring to think that only 40 years earlier, these sorts of parades would be illegal and participants would be subjected to violence. I always think back to those people who marched when the parades did not feature scantily-clad boys dancing on a float with techno music blaring in the background. In those days it didn't mean hundreds of thousands of folks drinking over-priced beer, getting various degrees of sunburn, and purchasing rainbow chotchkies galore. Yeah it's fun. It's really fun. But where would be were those brave activists, together with their families, friends and allies marching together in the early days? LGBT people would still be hiding in bars, trying to avoid persecution from society and even the police. So when I see amazing women and men out here in Albania putting themselves out there and speaking up for the LGBT community, I feel an incredible sense of pride to march with them. If someone throws something at me, I will march that much prouder. Because progress is happening here and no one can stop it. If I fall, 10 people will take my place.


"I heard that Albania is an Islamic country. Doesn't that make it dangerous?"

Marching down the streets of Tirana at Pride 2014

Religious practices were outlawed in Albania in 1967, and later allowed again. It seems that the tension and conflict often associated with religion has somewhat dissolved. Many Albanians in fact pride themselves on their religious tolerance. Albania was even once called the 'first Atheist nation'. Politicians don't hold religious platforms like they do in the US. (Read: Hardliners Nightmare - Newsweek) As Albania is now an European Union applicant, they must ensure that certain human rights reforms and protections are in place (and enforced). This has encouraged the Albanian government to push for LGBT reforms faster than otherwise would be the case. Although laws have been written to protect LGBT people from discrimination, there is a lot to be done to ensure that this is actually the case, and that LGBT citizens gain the protections promised to them from their government. Luckily, there are community activists at a few passionate NGOs in Albania who are holding the policy-makers accountable, and advocate on behalf of LGBT citizens. I am so damn proud to call these folks my coworkers (and my friends). :-)

Note: There is a lot more information to share about LGBT efforts in Albania. This includes the work of numerous NGOs, individuals, groups and community leaders. They have done so much, that it is quite hard to summarize in such a short post. This is meant to be a first post on the topic - a quick peek into my work with LGBT issues in Peace Corps. I look forward to highlighting their work in subsequent posts. Please let me know if you have any specific questions - comment below!