Let the Holidays Begin!

Thanksgiving means family time

The Holidays were kicked off with a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner here in Librazhd, celebrated with fellow Peace Corps Volunteers and local Albanians. After all, Peace Corps Goal II is to share American Culture with 'host country nationals' (aka the 'locals'). We made our favorite dishes, including sweet potato pie, pumpkin pie, green bean casserole, stuffing and cranberry sauce. I made my not-so-famous but oh-so-yummy breaded cauliflower. :-)

My sitemate's colleagues trying out our T-Day cuisine. :-)

We even went around the room and each said what we were grateful for. Every single Albanian even participated. It was great! Plus, it seemed that they appreciated being included in this celebration. That is oh so Peace Corps. We are representatives of America, and in sharing our culture we are acting (albeit on a local level) as ambassadors. We learn the language, live with the families, work with the locals and even celebrate alongside them. That is something that Peace Corps really fosters through its structure - making individual and small group connections that can be so incredibly meaningful. Many people we encounter have never met an American in person. We therefore must be a little more open, a little more understanding, and that much more cognizant of our actions. We are representatives from our country, here to help and have a cultural exchange. Sometime that means one simply must put on their dancing shoes and party! (Albanian style of course)

Kids in Traditional Albanian outfits from the Librazhd Region

I recently went to a couple Albanian cultural performances in my community here. It was really nice to see local Albanians performing these traditional dances and songs, and reciting culturally-significant literature. I finally got to see the dance of my community - the Valle Rajcë with people dressed in local garb. Traditionally the Albanians in the Librazhd region were known as the 'çorape te kuq' which translates to 'the red socks' (something much loved by my friends from Boston).

With two of the most awesome boys in Albania and their families!

Both performances were packed. Every seat in the local Cultural Center was taken and people were even standing on the wings just to watch (including myself). I heard from a friend that two kids we knew were going to perform, so I thought I'd go and show my support. It was great! All the performances were done by students in the local schools. I was thoroughly impressed. What was even better was the fact that the kids in the audience showed appreciation for their peers' performances. Something I really like to see. The celebrations were to commemorate the Independence of Albania first celebrated on Nov. 28, 1912.

See the red socks? That's regional Librazhd dress.

Girls singing traditional Albanian anthems

The Aftermath

So as many of you have read, I recently came out of the closet in my town here in Albania. I wanted to do just a bit of follow up.

The Good

Firstly, I am safe. Reactions in my town have been primarily positive. I haven't had any graffiti sprayed across my door nor any rocks thrown through my windows. I haven't had altercations in the streets nor any verbal abuse from the locals. In fact I have had more than a few people become great allies through this experience.

Some local gay people have contacted me and thanked me for coming out, as they don't have the ability to do so here in Albania. That really made me happy to hear! That is exactly why I am doing this. I am trying to use my influence here as an American to do something that others are not able to do.

As a result of my last blog post, I was invited to share about Civil Rights at a book fair in Tirana on Sunday, at a pavilion hosted by the US Embassy. I spoke about my coming out experience as well as a famous San Francisco LGBT Activist named Harvey Milk. 

The Bad

I have had a couple negative reactions, mostly from younger adults. There are now some people here who don't talk to me anymore. I have had one person un-friend me on Facebook and one person block me after un-friending me. Note that I had been friends with both of them for more than a year now. I will admit, it does hurt to have relationships thrown away over something that I cannot change. That is always the risk of coming out. That was the reason that I didn't feel connected to my friends here. So-called 'good friendships' could easily turn into hostile relationships should people discover my little secret. Frankly, I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved from who I am not. The benefit of coming out is that you find people who are willing to love and accept you for who you are.

The Uncertain Future

Who knows what will happen tomorrow or the next day. I will still be here for another 8 months.

I knew that going into this would mean treading new waters. The dangers are not clearly identified and protection is not guaranteed. I get varying degrees of support from friends. Some dissuading me from this type of work, while others being my dearest cheerleaders. Even my good friends who are regularly checking in with me to see how I am doing and dealing with things cannot protect me from the occasional worry that occupies my mind late at night. This worry takes the form of doubt to whether I am making the right choices. I really wish that I had someone next to me to help me through this step-by-step. (I suppose we all do...) I don't have a guide nor the experience, and at times I feel a bit of panic. "Was that too much?" "Are people going to judge me?" "Did I say the right thing?" "Are folks who constantly tell me to be careful going to be there and support my decisions if something goes wrong?"

How can an activist do what they need to do without pushing through discomfort? Without trying something different and bold, and even potentially dangerous? Where would our civil rights be if people never wanted to rock the boat? Who would people follow if no one spoke up? No one is perfect, yet when we look back in history we tend to idolize certain people in the civil rights movement. We clear them of imperfections and put them high on a pedestal. We make them more than human. Yet they all are human. They, like us, like me, have faults. I can only do the best with what I have. I try to tell myself that I don't have to be perfect. I try to be brave and do what my heart tells me is right, despite the fear. I suppose that is what really matters.

Coming Out in Albania

Me being gay in Albania. Pretty wild, right?

My name is Jon. I am a 33 year old American Peace Corps Volunteer living in a small town in eastern Albania. Librazhd is much like any other Albanian town: Chickens everywhere, grandmothers riding donkeys, and a regular call to prayer echoing from the local mosque. This has been my home for the last 17 months, and where I decided to come out as gay.

 

I have been out of the closet from the last 17 years, but Albania is much different from my hometown of San Francisco. So I accepted the fact that joining Peace Corps might mean going back in. However, after I moved to Albania, I found that the LGBT movement here is fast-progressing, and I wanted to do my part to support the brave women and men fighting for this cause. With encouragement from my loving parents, family, friends, and fellow Peace Corps volunteers, I felt ready to take this on.

 

I first considered requesting a move to the capital city of Tirana to do this LGBT work, as it would be safer to do it there. An activist friend suggested that I consider simply being myself in Librazhd. Would it be easy? No, probably not. Could anyone guarantee my safety? Nope. Might this crazy idea actually be worth the risk? You bet!

 

Still, I had worries. Despite making many friends, I felt like they would immediately reject me if they knew that I was gay; I wonder if many people would invest years of their life building friendships that could potentially turn violent.  This fear was also reinforced by people around me and from what I have read. Luckily, support came to me just in time from an unlikely source. 

 

Me and my best friend in Librazhd

The first Albanian in Librazhd I told was my best friend, a straight young man well known in the community. He already knew a lot about me and we had spent a lot of time together, and because I felt that if I were to have a reason to return to Librazhd after my Peace Corps service, I'd have to make at least one true friend here. This meant being my true self. 

 

I sat down with him over lunch and told him my truth. He was very supportive, and in fact had suspicions for some time. His cousin had asked him previously if I was gay, and it made him consider this. He told me:

"It doesn't matter to me. You are my brother. I accept you for the way you are. It makes no difference to me. I love you like family." 

It was hard not to tear up over his unexpected reaction. His sister (who lives in the United States, and who knew about me previously) had hinted that he would be accepting, but I was still worried. In small towns like this, if you decide to reveal a secret, once it is out there is no controlling the spread of gossip and rumor. Still, it was a risk that I wanted to take. I am so very glad that I did. 

 

Since telling my friend, word has been getting out. I thought it a good idea to simply let the gossip spread. I told my friend that if someone asks him about me, he is to tell them the truth. We are a team now. Every day I will come out to at least one new person. By the end of my service, most people here would have heard about the gay American man. 

 

My friends showing their support.

I recall one day coming out to two guys. They asked how I liked the girls here (guys often refer to a beautiful girl as a "peach", a vulgar term for a vagina) and my friend interjected and said "He's not interested in them. My friend Xhon here likes the banana, not the peach. Okay?" They simply said "Oh, okay." Bam, That's how it happened! Ever since that moment they have been very accepting and supportive. As least 30 people here now know about me being gay, and I have not been driven out of town with pitchforks yet. 

 

Albanians seem to value the opinions of Americans. I want to use that influence to help further rights for my LGBT brothers and sisters in Albania. My hope is that people will now have at least one person that they know of who is gay (and hopefully their impression of me is a positive one). I feel that simply to know and accept one gay person is enough to open their hearts to all. Maybe one day it will make it easier for a parent or family member to accept their gay child, brother, sister, or cousin.

"I care for what's in your mind, not about your sexual preference. To me, it's okay, and I care for you. You are my friend. That is what matters." – Librazhd resident, early 20s.

Me being me in Albania. :-)

Texting - The Language of Albanian Youth (With Translation Cheat Sheet!)

My Standard-Issue Peace Corps Phone

In these days after Communism, one can easily see the trappings of capitalism slowly creeping in. Although there are many still in poverty here in Albania, it seems that everyone has a cellphone (at least one). Many here still have what Americans would consider an 'old phone' (think circa 2003). Despite the T9 making a revival here in Eastern Europe, youth of today can easily adapt and can be seen hanging out on the sidewalk, phone in hand, effortlessly communicating without even looking at the screen. Those of more means can even get a smartphone to show off to their friends. Girls and boys are often out and about taking selfies with friends at local cafes, carefully selecting the right filter to capture every moment together as perfectly as possible. Facebook is widely used here, as is Instagram, Whatsapp, and Retrica. Yes, people do text here, but with Wifi being so readily available, most prefer not to pay for the privilege of communication and use messenger apps. As with most languages, texting full words often becomes tiresome. Thus people use shorthand.

As a foreigner here in Albania, I had a hard enough time figuring out the formal language. When I started to make friends with Albanians on facebook, I found that I often had difficulty understanding their messages and comments (which hardly looked like Albanian!). It left me a bit frustrated. Here I am, across the globe, studying this language day after day, and still I can't have a simple conversation with an Albanian on facebook!? Ludicrous! It has been a long time coming, but I thought I'd ask around and gather some of the most popular shorthand around. Maybe this will only be interesting to my fellow Albanian PCVs, but if it helps anyone, so much the better.

So.... How does one text in Albanian?

ca - çfarë (what?)
cpb - çfarë po bën? (What are you doing?)
dmth - domethënë (That is to say...)
sps - s'ka përse (it's nothing)
skgj - s'ka gjë (it's nothing)
flm - faleminderit (thank you)
klb - kalofsh bukur (may you pass the day beautifully)
klm - kalofsh mirë (may you pass day well)
ntn - natën (good night)
ckm - çkemi? (what's up?)
pz - për zotin! (oh god!)
t - të (multiple uses)
n - në (in, at)
jm - jam (I am)
nr - numër (number)
esh - është (is)
m - më (me)
tr- Tiranë (Tirana)
persh - përshëndetje (hello)
sh mir - shumë mirë (very good)
lb - Librazhd (.... my home)

Laughing Djinns and Itchy Palms - Albanian Superstitions Revealed!

Winnie protecting a rural Albanian Home

Long gone are the days of superstitions, right? Maybe not. They are certainly alive and well in Albania. Curious about their prevalence in my local community I did a few interviews with people in different areas of Albania, asking them about the superstitions they have come across. Although most were new to me, I did hear a few familiar ones! It is interesting to hear about these. The Albanian language (Shqip) may be so very different from American English, yet superstitions seem to have a significant overlap. What does this mean? Maybe it means that we read our children the same bedtime stories or sing the same lullabies. Quite possibly we share more in common than we realize. In any case, here they are. The superstitions that exist here in my community in Albania. 

Please add your own to the comments section!

I am interested to hear perspectives from across the globe to see what common folklore may exist.

You can find dolls like this across Albania, meant to protect from thieves and the evil eye.

Good Luck

• In order to protect the home, one must hang a dordolec (scarecrow), kukull (doll/stuffed animal) upon the exterior.
• To protect against bad luck, one must hang horns, garlic, or a horseshoe.
• An itchy beard will bring joy or good news!
• It is good luck if an egg drops on the ground.

Bad Luck

• If you encounter a black cat, step back three times, and throw a coin.
• A broken mirror means 7 years of bad luck. (even in Albania!)
• Bad luck to clip your nails at nighttime.
• Don’t stay near a mirror at night.

Dreams

• A dream about a tooth falling out means that someone has died.
• If you are naked in a dream, you will get sick.
• If you dream of fish, you will come into money.

Horns of good luck outside the gym

Obscure

• Those who drink water together will finish their meal or drinks together (at the same time).
• If a kid is playing with your broom, you will have guests/visitors.
• If a spoon falls, you will have a visitor. Upwards means female. Downwards means male.
• If you clip your nails, you must touch them to water (flush them in the toilet). If you do not, your family will be compelled to start a fight.
• If you pour water outside at night, a passing djinn will be angered, and will attack you, harm you, make you sick, or kill you.
• Don’t whistle in the night. If you do so, a djinn will appear. It will dance around, harassing and making fun of you.
• If you get the hiccups often, someone you love is talking about you constantly.
• If right ear is red, good words are being spoken about you. Conversely, a red left ear means bad words.
• If your cigarette burns on one side, you will have a journey.
• Cutting your fingernails and your toenails at the same time, means that you will encounter both good and back luck during the same day.

Love & Money

• If there is a break in the clouds while it is raining, it is said that a Roma couple is getting married.
• If your cigarette goes out for no reason, your partner is cheating on you.
• If you find your shoes to be untied, your partner is cheating on you.
• If your left hand itches, you will get money. If your right hand itches, you will lose money.
• If your left hand itches, you will give something away. If your right hand itches, you will soon get something.
• An unattractive pregnant woman is said to bear a girl. An attractive woman is said to bear a boy.

Death

• The first Monarch Butterfly seen after someone dies is their soul coming to say ‘hello.’
• After visiting a deceased relative’s home, you must first return to your own home before visiting any other place. If you do so, you will bring death upon their door.
• If someone dies on a Monday, another will die soon afterwards, unless a sacrifice is made!
• If you pass a graveyard, you must bite your finger and step on it three times.
• It is bad luck to go to a cemetery at night.

The Land of Chillaxin' Eagles

Librazhd, Albania - My Home

As a foreigner coming from a metropolitan area of the United States, I am used to a fast-paced, 'productive' life. It has been a challenge for me to adjust to life out here in Eastern Albania. People in my community often remind me "Avash! Avash!" (Turkish for 'slowly, slowly') - an oft-used expression here in Albania. This is not a place where one grabs a Jamba Juice, heads to the gym for a quick circuit routine, does cardio while watching the news, and picks up a Chicken Bowl at Chipotle on their way home to catch up on work on the weekend. No. This is a place where one might go from having coffee with friends for an hour or two, to lunch with family, back out for more coffee with different friends until the early afternoon, back home for a nap, out for an evening stroll, another coffee, and then home late at night for dinner.

As one might suspect, this is a very community-oriented society. It is seen as rather abnormal to stay by one's self all day and to do things alone. Americans call this independence. Albanians call it 'turp' (shame). It appears that if one is not connected with family or friends, it is not seen as bad, but rather sad. In America it does not seen as tragic, as we often stay connected through multiple interactions throughout the day (Facebook, e-mail, phone calls, coffee break at work, drinks at happy hour, and dinner with family/friends at home.)

I joined Peace Corps expecting to get away from the land of multi-tasking. I wanted simplicity in my life. And that's just what I got! But where you go, there you are. I feel like that mentality is starting to grow here in the land where you may not always have running water, but you will most likely always have WiFi.

One can easily sense the speed of things here. For example, when you go to a restaurant or cafe, usually you will be greeted by the waiter who will take your order(s). After the drinks have arrived, you might not see the waiter again for hours upon end. This is completely normal here. They will not pressure you to leave nor harass you into paying promptly after finishing your beverages or meal. They will leave you to your company for an indefinite amount of time. If you'd like to pay fast and leave, you will most likely have to take initiative and call for the waiter to come give the bill. It is not because the waitstaff are slow, it is because they are considerate.

Maybe it's the hundreds of years of isolation. Maybe it's the proud cultural traditions of the Albanian people. In any case, one must take note and adjust accordingly.

Summer Reading In Autumn (And About 20 Years Late)

It's all about literature here in the Welsh 'town of books' - Hay-On-Wye

PLEASE COMMENT...
and write the name of the book you are reading (or one that you would recommend)!

The Welsh sure do love their 'Fifty Shades of Hay'!

As I mentioned in previous posts, I have long neglected my studies with regards to literature. I was never much into books as a young child. I would pretend to read them by memorizing some basic facts. As a result, I performed half as well as I could have in all my Literature classes. I fell quite behind my peers in knowledge of great works. It wasn't that I couldn't read. I could read very well. I have always had excellent vision and comprehension skills. I knew what I was reading, but I wasn't at all interested! Why would one read a fiction book anyway?! The story contained therein isn't true. So what could one learn from it? Oddly enough this mentality followed me all the way to college at the University of California Berkeley, where I continued to dive primarily only into works of non-fiction - books on language, psychology, cognition, neuro-science and the like.

What changed? I came across a little-known book called "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone." What started off as a little diversion to desperately escape the pain of my life at that time, turned into a succession of books that has not stopped since. (Although I am not the fastest reader...) I would read fiction and non-fiction. I would alternate genres. I would even read a couple books at the same time. Typically I would read a fiction/fantasy book before bed, a mystery or classic book while traveling, and a non-fiction or historical fiction book on vacation.

I have often felt somewhat deprived for not having read "the greats." I may have actually read through a decent number of them, but hardly remember the stories at this point. Of course I cannot blame my English Lit teachers as they tried their best to encourage me. The truth is, I had to learn to love reading. That never happened until after college. I never picked up a book for fun unless it was to learn a language or learn something interesting or practical. What I didn't know growing up was that not only could one benefit from reading with regards to overall English comprehension but also benefit through the development of one's critical thinking skills. I also didn't know that reading could be, like, fun!

Here's my list of so-called "summer reading" list that I have assigned myself. It is a growing, living list that will hopefully wax and wane as I finish each work and learn of new ones to add. Without further ado, THE LIST (currently at 25). Please feel free to add your suggestions in the comment section.

Here's the queue (in reverse order):

25. Evelyn Waugh - Brideshead Revisited
24. Victor Hugo - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
23. Oscar Wilde - The Importance of Being Earnest
22. Margaret Atwood - Alias Grace
21. James Joyce - Ulysses
20. Neal Stephenson - Seveneves
19. Virginia Woolf - Mrs. Dalloway
18. Tea Obreht - The Tiger's Wife
17. Chris Cleave - Little Bee
16. George Orwell - Animal Farm
15. Toni Morrison - Beloved
14. Allison Levine - On the Edge
13. Fyodor Dostoyevsky - Notes from the Underground
12. Plato - The Republic
11. Friedrich Nietzsche - Thus Spake Zarathustra A book for all and none
10. Miguel De Cervantes Saavedra - Don Quixote
9. H.G. Wells - The War of the Worlds
8. Sunzi - The Art of War
7. Sir Saint Thomas More - Utopia
6. James Baldwin - Giovanni's Room
5. Yann Martel - Life of Pi
4. Stephen Coryelle - Elves In Oregon
3. Christopher Isherwood - Christopher and His Kind
2. Ismail Kadare - The Siege
1. Muriel Spark - The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie

Currently reading: George Orwell - 1984

Last read: The Stranger by Albert Camus